Strength, love and control are not acquired from the outside. That's where most people go horribly wrong.
Instead, control, self love, approval and security come from the inside, once the heart has reconnected with it's Creator... and this process of reconnecting is called tazkiyah.
Tazkiyah is both subtractive and additive - in other words, you have to purify and enrich at the same time.
To become a better person, to overcome your nafs (self), you do tazkiyah. It is striving to better one's self and if done for Allah, its reward is immense. From tazkiyah, excellence is sought. Patience, gratefulness and a humble self are all from its fruits.
People think that the superficial external world can fix the internal. But they soon learn that the 'fix' is just temporary.
People have misconceptions about their Creator, what He has asked of them and about what self purification really is. As an example, many people think that detachment from this life means not succeeding, not having. But that's simply not true. It's even contrary to Islamic tazkiyah - so it actually makes things worse !
And there are other misconceptions that need to be cleaned up also.
After realising that the fix has to come from the inside and after removing their misconceptions, people think that they're done.
But in reality, now is the time to start DOING tazkiyah. The problem is that most people don't know how.
It fixes mistakes numbers 1 & 2, and explains where you can start doing tazkiyah. Here's what Mishma had to say about it:
I am gonna be painfully honest here.
Last year, when I was directed here and I heard about tazkiyah and everything, I really didn’t get it. I didn’t get why I needed it or how much I needed it. I didn’t get how this thing was gonna help me get over the depression that I suffer from - on and off.
But I did enrol and I filled out the form. I got newsletters in my email, and because I didn’t check them (i don’t know why, I just didn’t), so I kinda stopped following them after a few weeks.
Now, 1 year later, I am kind of back to where I was, but at the same time, I have matured in that now I know what will not help me, and I have a fairly good feeling that I need this. I need tazkiyah, like real bad.
Cause this emptiness that I feel, this pain in my heart, it's a disease that just comes back to me again and again, every time I fight it off.
It messes with my productivity, it messes with my emotional health. I want to get rid of this.
I want to love Allah through my actions again, cause I know that I love Him a lot, and this low is preventing me from feeling that love. I want to feel it. I want to get out of it. And I need help, I do.
I just don't know how to reach out. I don’t confide my friends in about these problems anymore. Cause as much as they want to, they cant help. They just make it worse. And I cant go through that pain and disappointment and false dependencies again, I can't.
So I prayed istikhara and I came back here.
Yeah, I still get your emails, and I'm really really grateful, cause they are what inspired me to start from scratch. So even though I started following them, I am starting over, this time hopefully, with a stronger and clearer intention.
Jazakumullahu khairan, really. May Allah protect you all, and increase you in khair. May Allah grant you the best in both lives. ameen.